If you are a movie buff, you’ll notice that movie characters have some very annoying habits. Whether they are running up the stairs in horror movies or turning the geeky girl into a beauty queen with nothing more than a new hair cut and contact lenses, some character cliches are just too unrealistic. Here are a few of our favorite examples.
1. Movie characters don’t wash their hair.
This mainly applies to females. Any time you see a girl in the shower or bath in a movie, she never washes her hair. Does dirty hair not exist in movies?
2. No one has morning breath.
Or at least, it doesn’t seem like they do, since couples, usually the main character and his/her love interest, wake up after a night of wild sex and just go back at it. Normal people would probably get out of bed and brush or something, or at least use mouthwash. Clearly it would ruin the scene if they did this, but still, could we at least try to make intimate scenes real?
3. They never eat breakfast.
And if they do, it’s only a couple bites, if they have time. Everyone is so busy in movies. They are saving the world/finding their soul mates/having a teen angst emergency moment. They don’t have time for the most important meal of they day!
4. They never say goodbye when hanging up the telephone.
I think I would be offended if the person on the other end of the line hung up on me. Is this a time-saving tactic? Would it really extend the length of a movie to have characters say goodbye? It’s a two syllable word, which can even be shortened to one! I think it could be squeezed in.
5. They rarely / never get shot.
Even though hundreds of bullets are being shot directly at them. This is only really applicable if the character is the lead one. Usually the bad guys are trained assassins or something equally awesome, so why can’t they manage to put a bullet into one man? It would ruin the movie, that’s why.
6. They sober up way too fast.
Whether a character is drunk or doing some illegal drugs, they sober up when they need to. I’m sorry but if a real person had been downing shots of whiskey all night and suddenly a bad guy came up to him, he would probably die. He wouldn’t stand up completely sober and shoot said bad guy in all the right places. The buzz doesn’t wear off that quickly, my friends. Believe me, I have tried.
7. Hate turns to love, always.
The two lead characters start out disliking each other and wind up either being best friends or having sex. Sometimes as an added bonus, the characters will have a juicy back story that you will find out about halfway into the movie. The two characters having dated before is a likely scenario, either that or they have been though a great tragedy together and the friendship/relationship just wasn’t strong enough to survive.
8. Everyone is a computer genius.
I have never been able to get on a computer, log in to some CIA type website and be able to find all the information you could ever possibly need about someone, have you? I mean, they type in a name, and the person’s life history comes up. I wouldn’t even want to imagine what the world would be like if this were possible. That being said, I still wish I could do it.
9. They have sex.
This can be a problem for many reasons. In the rom-com genre, this is usually a mistake because it makes the relationship awkward or they realize their true feelings are so strong that they can never do it again. The horror movie genre is where this can be a real problem. If you have sex in a horror movie, you are dead meat. The best time to kill someone is when they are naked and vulnerable, doesn’t everyone know this?
10. They keep their bite to themselves.
Characters in zombie movies never tell the group when they get bitten. Let’s think about this. They know what’s gonna happen. They’ve seen it before. They are going to turn into a zombie and kill everyone, or at least one supporting character.
Why is it that regardless of the injury at the end of the movie when the hero finally gets “it” (which appears life threatening but never is) he or she always and I mean always appears in the final scene with his or her arm in a sling?
Probably, because a full body cast with an IV sticking out of the arm doesn’t look too hero like.
2. No one has morning breath.
Or at least, it doesn’t seem like they do, since couples, usually the main character and his/her love interest, wake up after a night of wild sex and just go back at it. Normal people would probably get out of bed and brush or something, or at least use mouthwash. Clearly it would ruin the scene if they did this, but still, could we at least try to make intimate scenes real?
Really? You have never woken up the morning after a hook-up and started right back at it immediately? Or kissed your girlfriend when you both wake up? I certainly don’t think I am the only one who has done these things, not once but, many times.
4. They never say goodbye when hanging up the telephone.
I think I would be offended if the person on the other end of the line hung up on me. Is this a time-saving tactic? Would it really extend the length of a movie to have characters say goodbye? It’s a two syllable word, which can even be shortened to one! I think it could be squeezed in.
I have many friends that do not say goodbye. It might not be a regular thing, as most people do in fact say something to end the conversation, it happens to me a lot. I find myself doing it when I’m in a frantic or hurried situation…which is what most movie characters are in the middle of!
They don’t pee (except for dramatic effect, as in ‘Big Lebowski’) – this has always bugged me
Here are some additional points:
Detectives always spot their target just as they are about to give up on the surveillance.
There’s always a parking space right in front of the building they need to get to.
Their car starts immediately when they leave, and never has to wait to pull out into traffic.
Police cars always fishtail around corners when they are involved in a pursuit.
Police cars can also launch themselves in the air over the smallest of hills for no apparent reason.
Drug lords are identified by their white linen suits and sunglasses.
Mafia kingpins are identified by their pinstripe suits and sunglasses.
Dictators are identified by their military uniform and sunglasses.
Did you know (and this is a fact) that “Let’s get out of here” is the most spoken line in all of cinema? True!
11. There is almost always a pilot on hand, or at least some guy who has had a few lessons, and even if you can’t find one of them, flying a plane is so easy that anyone can do it.
Sounds dumb but some people are paid by the word they speak. Removing goodbye saves the movie/tv studio money…retarded.
[...] Whether they are running up the stairs in horror movies or turning the geeky girl into a beauty queen with nothing more than a new hair cut and contact lenses, some character cliches are just too unrealistic. Read ahead [...]
People also always jumps right before the bomb explodes.
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The not saying goodbye thing drives me absolutely crazy!! I realized that about a year ago and it annoys me so much in movies and television.
They never finish a meal. And when they stop eating the food they put the plate or bowl in the sink without rinsing or disposing of the food.
This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. It’s seriously so pointless. Who really gives a flying fuck about ANY of these things? Its just how movies go. If you seriously want every movie to tailor to each of these so called “annoying things” you need to stop watching movies because you’re being a total dick about them. No other way of saying this other then you’re being a stupid dick who should stop watching movies… BECAUSE YOU’RE A DICK.
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During an intense pursuit, they almost always take the time to kiss and hug when the criminal is on the brink of stabbing or shooting them.
When they are in a car, the driver ALWAYS looks at the person he/she´s talking to, and not at the street. Even if they are in a crowded street in rush hour. I find it so unnnerving, I always shout at them to “MIND THE TRAFFIC, son of a b*tch!”
They never finish their meals, as someone mentioned before, but they also never finish their drinks. When they are in a bar, in a café, and have a fancy, expensive drink, a coffee etc., there´s the meaningful dialogue, and then they leave, without drinking up. And also mostly without paying.
When the hero/ine was in a coma, he/she recovers way too fast. Directors/actors seem to have never heard of muscle degeneration.
Everything always works out in the end. The bad guys go to jail. Lovers find their way back to one another. It is nothing like the reality in which we live in. I think they should start bring more reality into a movie.
In a fight scene, especially if the “good-guy” of the movie is in-circled by the “bad” guys they have to just wait for only one guy to attack first and then the next…while they can all attack at the same time so they can defeat the good-guy.
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As someone who puts people’s faces back together for a living, watching people get punched in the face in a movie over and over just to walk away with a little blood on their lip is ridiculous. One punch to your cheek and those bones are done. You are in for major surgery to repair that face and you aren’t fighting on. And don’t get me started with all the gun shots to extremities. Most of those would render the arm/leg permanently disabled.
Joe, grow a sense of humor. YOU are the dick.
they go to a website and read an article that does not interest them at all, then decide to post in the comments about how ridiculous the article was, and what idiots the commenter’s who liked the article are
Another one: they always leave the restaurant / bar before drinking their coffee / drink.
My biggest pet peeve is EMPTY COFFEE CUPS. Even WATER would be better than you pretending to drink out of that ridiculously light paper cup you just ordered!!
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